by Emilee Brightman & Tasha Webber
Just this year President Roderick McDavis received an $85,000 raise. In these economic times (2009’s most overused catchphrase), doesn’t it seem silly to give a raise to the president of a university that’s already badly in debt? Not according to the Board of Trustees, the Budget Planning Council and a slew of people close to the president.
Some students and faculty feel the university should be more fiscally responsible, especially since tuition has risen over the past several years and the university has yet to generate a balanced budget under its tenure. After all, janitorial union workers have been unjustly let go, millions of dollars were spent (lost) on the new cruise ship-like Baker Center, which seemed like a good idea at the time, even though the old Baker Center was so cozy.
Anyway, we’ve compiled a list of 85 things the university could have funded for 85 grand. While some are ideal additions for the school, other items on the list are just for fun. After all, that’s a big check to write for just one person, so why not spend some money to make everyone’s life a little more “college?”
1. Strippers at the corner of Court and Union streets every Friday and Saturday night for a school year (not including summer or winter intersession).
2. Make the Halloween party a little crazier — put free cases of beer (or bottles of vodka) out on the streets for “first come, first serve” enjoyment: 6,538 cases of Natty or 5,312 bottles of vodka would put OU back on the map of party schools.
3. Another escalator. We all the know the saying, “We don’t need sex here at OU, Jeff Hill ***** us every day…”
4. Green CFL light bulbs. The lighting in the university bathrooms makes you look so orange, anyway, don’t you think? 14,122 light bulbs should at least get us started and will save money in the long run, as they last longer than normal light bulbs.
5. Updated washers and dryers for the residence halls: 85 new washers or dryers would provide every dorm with at least one machine that doesn’t require you to dry your clothes six times.
6. 10,625 hours of free childcare at $8/hr per child for students and faculty with children.
7. 1,888 Tickle Me Elmos … creepy.
8. 425 iPhones.
9. 42.5 MacBooks.
10. 212 plane tickets to Jamaica.
11. 14,166 Chipotle burritos. It’s love.
12. A Mercedes-Benz with some cash left over just to fling out the window when we drive by.
13. 3,513 boxes of Trojan condom “economy packs.” That’s 36 condoms in each pack – enough to last a weekend or two.
14. Feed 6,071 families for one month through feedthechildren.org
15. 4 years of in-state OU tuition (in total, $18,396) for one lucky undergraduate, or one year for four lucky undergraduates.
16. 34,000 cups of coffee from Perks. That’s almost enough to get the entire campus through one day of exam prep!
17. 1,700 $50-an-hour therapy sessions — to help relieve stress from thinking about what to do with 85K.
18. 28,333 skeins of yarn.
19. 28 52-inch Sony LCDs for Ping. Exercising is so much better in high-definition.
20. 6,071 Dr. Seuss books. That’s a lot, is it not?
21. 85 Marc Jacobs dresses.
22. 21,000 pints of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream.
23. 2,125 name-a-star packages. A real, shining star to name for yourself from the International Star Registry.
24. 56 diamond and platinum rings from Tiffany’s.
25. 21 nose jobs.
26. 85,000 cans of soup for a shelter, the Second Harvest Foodbank of Southeastern Ohio.
27. 340 Bonnaroo tickets. That’s a better pay-off for winning the save electricity contest spring quarter than a ticket to Cedar Point.
28. 65,891 chocolate candy bars.
29. 4,250 Slip ‘n Slides.
30. Cottonelle toilet paper for the dorms, or at least some TP you can’t see through.
31. 283 skydiving lessons.
32. 309 hour-long hot air balloon rides.
33. 85,000 pet goldfish.
34. 340 Wii systems. They rule.
35. 5,666 shower curtains. Wouldn’t it be nice to actually have one in every shower in every dorm?
36. Bring Track Back!
37. We can’t believe the library makes you pay to print this year. Free prints! Free prints!
38. Rehire one of the janitorial union workers fired against their contract last year, and give him or her a raise.
39. $85,000 donation to the Make-A-Wish foundation.
40. Convert the old-fashioned key system to electronic cards for better dorm security.
41. Scholarship moolah, a whopping $47 per undergrad.
42. Funding for those classes we can’t get into because there aren’t enough sections.
43. More help at Hudson never, ever hurts. 708 kids could join the Well Being plan, too.
44. 42 Go karts. Enough said. Show up to that party in style and make use of those hills in Athens!
45. Tanning: we all know it’s totally natural to look orange in the winter. That’s 17,000 Level 1 20-session tanning packages at Attractions.
46. 13,421 10-slice, one-topping pizzas from Avalanche.
47. 3,891 free 12-gallon tanks of gas!
48. 94 year-long parking passes for anywhere on campus.
49. Bring Dave Matthews to OU for real this time.
50. 17,000 matinee movie tickets at the Athena Grand.
51. 566 North Face fleece jackets.
52. What time is it? Clocks for all the rooms in Bentley Hall.
53. Upgrade to a softer toilet paper for dorms.
54. Proper climate control in the library.
55. And while we’re at it, A/C units for more dorm rooms.
56. A free concert with an A-list musical artist at the Convocation Center. Why not?
57. Or let’s get a well-known politician to speak. Isn’t Hillary Clinton in debt?
58. Put the cash toward eliminating the common college cold — of which researchers at the University of Maryland recently sequenced all known strains.
59. Reopen the Bromley Hall indoor pool (while keeping the dining hall open).
60. Men’s and Women’s Health clubs at Ping.
61. Replace all the “MISSING” books at Alden Library.
62. Fund the next 14 issues of Backdrop magazine!
63. Set up better university-funded transportation to Walmart.
64. Let’s add Jacuzzis to the proposed Ping Health club.
65. And build a regulation-sized track so you don’t have to get dizzy running a mile.
66. A free photo booth in Baker.
67. Moving sidewalks! Do I need to say more?
68. Cheaper tickets to see plays and concerts at Mem Aud.
69. Tired of waiting for a place to study? Add another floor to the library.
70. Help students pay for the outrageous cost of books.
71. Organize more efficient recycling.
72. 26,153 grande vanilla lattes.
73. Investments toward better program funding for the RAs (don’t they at least deserve a compensated meal plan?).
74. 4,250 $20 gift certificates to Bob Evans.
75. OU reusable water bottles to promote a healthy environmental attitude.
76. Massage gift certificates for the housekeeping staff who so kindly scrub our toilets every day.
77. Free admittance to all movies at the Athena.
78. Repair dorm windows so each one actually opens.
79. 188 pairs of Gucci heels.
80. Hire another football coach to bring our Bobcats up to par.
81. Buy a campus horse so students don’t have to ask permission to pet the officers’!
82. A diamond-encrusted beer pong table.
83. Hire free personal trainers for students.
84. Put more money towards study abroad programs so more students can receive a diverse education.
85. Hand warmers, toe warmers, foot warmers, body warmers!
Direct link:
http://backdropmag.com/hype/web-extra-85-things-to-do-with-85000/